GM FrightOfficer
Joined: 01 May 2008
Posts: 2698
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re: Let the story begins...
 by GM Fright on 04/03/2011 10:59 am
Once upon a time there was a Bananashroom. The End.
P.S., Bananashroom often searched for Fright’s mom and let the STORIES being… if you know what I mean. Afterwards, feeling tired and really disappointed, the end. But wait! Banana knew it wasn’t the end! He leapt onto his weary, callused feet, and tripped over his Justin Bieber voodoo doll which made a sound that sounded a bit like “moo.”
Because of the sound it makes, the doll is called Moo. Moo had a lover and the lover’s name is called…. Yeetawh (pronounced Utah). Everyone knew that Yeetawh loved taking pictures of BIG RED WOODEN THINGS! But, the BIG RED WOODEN THINGS hated having their pictures taken.
So, Frightening took that as a challenge and grabbed his baseball bat with a nail in it and his trusty unicorn stuffed animal. Then he asked his mother if he could please pursue a career in interpretive dance. She complied upon the condition that he sang the entire musical OKLAHOMA in front of all his peers and friends while wearing a pink spandex jumpsuit. But as he proceeded into his back 2 and one half flip he realized he had overlooked one of the conditions since it was presented in limerick form. That condition was that he should sing OKLAHOMA while wearing Yeetawh’s jock strap and yoda backpack. He then became so embarrassed he CALLED IT THE ARISTOCRATS. (The End imo)
Then that gallant, handsome, brave young man, our heroic Frightening, bounded with a masculine athleticism reminiscent of the Olympian Gods onto a nearby boulder, proclaiming in a deep, booming voice across all the lands, “GRIMMER’S OPINION DOES NOT MATTER!!”
Afterwards, he called that one the Dirty Rotten Cock Sucking Mother Fuckers. For his next trick he stabbed Grimmer to death with a pencil.
Suddenly, Slash pops out of nowhere and plays the solo to November Rain. This causes the sky to darken. Haq looks up to the sky and wonders if this was the doing of the same man. The same man that he killed with his pen. Cause everyone knows the pen is mightier than the sword. The man is none other than Zom the Zombie Jesus, who was also the founder of the most notorious gang in the world, the KKK, the Kool Kats Klan. They are known for being severely fond of big point white hats….. and extremely cute white kittens. In this love of theirs, they each had their way with the kittens and then shouted out… “SHOT THROUGH THE HEART, AND YOU’RE TO BLAME! YOU GIVE LOVE A BAD NAME!”
But Frightening, hearing this, started singing “Don’t Stop Believing” by Journey. As he sang, the heavens opened wide, and the angelic chorus marveled at his voice. Floating down through the clouds, sheathed in brilliant light and unimaginable beauty, came his role model, Richard Simmons, riding a unicorn. Filled with Excitement, Frightening couldn’t help but to weep shamelessly into his coveted blanket he had had since childhood, which he fondly called his “bankie.” MANY hours after his tears of pure joy subsided he then woke up from his dream and was confronted with the cold reality of his life.
Prison!
His first day was pretty rough, it was all he could do to stop himself going mad. The memories of him stabbing Grimmer over and over again with a pencil will haunt him for the rest of his life. The only reason he was staying in prison is because he needed time alone to think and to try and run away from the nightmare. For a man than single handedly killed Mimiron and Yogg-Saron, there was no prison that can hold such great powers. Just as he was about to enter the madness in his head again, he heard a familiar voice. He looked out of his cell and saw an image silhouetted against the dim light of the prison block behind it. The powerful Warlock grimaced, the lines of old hatred and pain grew deep in his dark countenance; an old fire sparked in his eyes. The silhouette in front of him spoke, a voice as black and heavy as the oppressive prison air around them crawled through the darkness, slithering into his ears with as tangible a sensation as if it had been a nest of worms, saying, “Welcome to Subway, can I take your order?”
He knew that what the image said was a trap in order to induce pain upon himself which he clearly did not want. Looking up with a grin on his face as though he were trying to make the image reach a level of his own insanity, he said, “I want a footlong meatball on wheat with American cheese…. you son of a bitch.” Then he took out his pencil and started stabbing.
Suddenly he woke up. Again. It had all been a dream inside a dream. This could only mean on thing… CLEARLY Obzen had been dreaming that he was Frightening. Again. His obsession ran deep, and if he didn’t seek medical help soon, he might turn into an Amminidab, which meant that he could only be very, very gay. The gayest of gays. But that was neither here nor there, because Obzen is not important to this story at all. He is, in fact, so unimportant that just talking about him runs the risk of making us unimportant as well. So instead, we’ll move on to the real meat of this whole mess, and that occurred, of course, when Azakel was browsing over the patch notes one day and became very upset.
He noticed that, unlike what was previously announced, the Death Coil spell effect was NOT being changed to a kitten. To voice his protest, he immediately rushed to the forums and started a QQ thread entitled “Blowfish and Prostitutes: A User’s Guide to Homemade Time Machines (for Dummies!)”
With this manifesto completed, his life’s work finally etched into the solid stone of the internets, Azakel filled the back of his van with two and a quarter tons of nitro-glycerin, and after painting “FREE CANDY” on the side, he decided that this forum needed to be bumped, so he telepathically told Siletense to do so. Sile did and then choked to death on some of Azakel’s candy. Azakel then proceeded to rape Sile’s dead body, the whole time yelling, “ANYTHING YOU CAN DO I CAN DO BETTER!”
Suddenly, he pulled out, whispering softly into sile’s dead ear, “I think I haven’t ever seen such a vibrant purple rhinoceros!” Then he fell asleep.
Meanwhile, across the street in the pawn shop, Shib and his wife were purchasing a bibliography on the life of someone with absolutely no social significance or cultural importance whatsoever. In fact, the most interesting thing this person ever did was live their life in such a literary way that their biography could instead be called a bibliography. This person read so many books and lived by the words within them so accurately that his life was very literally defined by those books.
Then Saurial died from choking on his own tongue. This, like the life of the bibliography-biographed person, was exceptionally unimportant.
Shib, however, decided that finding the book was cause for celebration. So they proceeded to the nearest mini-golf course, where he, his wife, and his imaginary best friend Toto began trying on bowling shoes to play mini-golf in cause everyone knows sliding to the putt is awesome. However, the first time he tried it, his left leg broke off, and he proceeded to bleed to death. Kiirin also died of unknown causes during that disastrous putt-putt game. Pex cried himself to sleep that night because of the tragedy, and never woke up, having died of a broken heart. Upon hearing the news, Tavie feinted and hit his head on the curb, crushing his skull and placing him in a coma. He died after living the life of a vegetable for 15 years. Grimmer had tried to catch him, but reacted too slowly. He never forgave himself for this, and shot himself the next week. Klik was the first policeman on the scene of Grimmer’s suicide, and upon seeing the walls splattered with his friend’s blood, he went crazy, pulled his service revolver, and shot the two CSI’s with him, Yeetawh and Felixzero. Then he, too, shot himself. At the funeral, Amminidab jumped onto the coffin, screamed out, “I LOVED YOU FELIX!” opened his jacket to reveal the bomb underneath, and detonated it, killing everyone. Among the first to die due to her proximity to the bomb was Savalia. Kaasi died at the hospital hours later after prolonged suffering. He was buried next to the already dead Saurial.
The Art of Ruin was forced to recruit all new healers.
This really took its toll on the already unstable Fright. This was just too much for him. He proceeded to then write 67 operas and 46 concertos, all heralding his joy of never having to deal with his god-awful healers every again. Being the inventor of Warcraft that he is, he then proceeded to make all melee attacks, ranged attacks, and spell casts heal the user for 101% (just in case) of their max health, so he would never EVER have to EVER have ANY healers EVER again.
And there was much rejoicing. During the feast, the ghost of Fright’s dead healers decided to haunt him. They started their haunting by spitting in all the food. And so the members of the Art of Ruin did feast upon the lambs and sloths, and carp and anchovies, and orangutans and breakfast cereals, and fruit-bats.
After giggling about their evil deed for a good 29.76 seconds, the ghosts of the healers then proceeded to force fright to attend a Barry Manillo/Justin Bieber duet. But the joke was on them as Fright professed, “Duh, I’m a Fanillo!! However did you think I got this voice!! And Beiber, he’s to die for. I mean look at that hair, IT’S EXACTLY LIKE MINE!!!!!” But that couldn’t do soo they went back to plotting and when they finally returned they forced Fright to heal the entire Chimaeron fight on hard mode with nothing but a single band-aid and a mostly empty tube of vagisil. The torture was just too much for him to handle. The healers after getting their revenge addressed an even more important topic, more important than the haunting of Fright: Why was the ghost of the deceased Saurial continuing to haunt them with spelling and grammatical errors?
Pex’s theory was that it was all a terrible nightmare. As soon as he said this, they all woke up! And then they remembered that they were all dead, so this time they stay that way, never to bother anyone ever ever again. Hallelujah!
The next day, they decided to go for ice cream. However, they were still dead, so they couldn’t go. They couldn’t do anything, because they were all dead.
Then some other living people completely unrelated to all the dead healers went to the forest. Why did they go to the forest, you may ask? Well, I’ll tell you. You see, Junkr is a lazy retard, but the main reason that they went to the forest was to dig up the time capsule they buried when they did the thing at the place. Inside of it was a paper clip, some chewing gum, a ruler, some duct tape, a high heel shoe, and a piece of paper. Written on the piece of paper were the instructions to make the most powerful weapon ever, using only the other items found inside the time capsule. It was rather difficult for them to put together because MacGyver had failed to sign up and attend the time capsule raid that night. They then suddenly decided to seek the help of Sterne, for some unknown reason.
Together with his help, they successfully ruined every single item in the time capsule and created nothing. This took them 15 hours. At the end of it, everything was burnt, melted, snapped in two, or accidentally swallowed. Then the writer of the instructions showed up, and when Sterne and his group of so-far unnamed characters saw his face, they gasped, because it turned out that the author of the instructions was none other than Hulksmash!
He looked upon the failed attempted creation before him and wept, he wept so deeply that his tears filled and touched every single piece of burnt, melted, snapped in two, or accidentally swallowed material for the most powerful weapon ever. As his tears fell upon these items they began to reforge themselves into new again! Upon the miraculous event of the items being whole again, he then shoved the incompetent people away from the time capsule, took the instructions away from the imbeciles and began smashing everything, breaking it all once again.
Thus, mankind’s ability to assemble the most powerful weapon ever created was ultimately lost forever, and with it, all hope for peace in the Middle East. The world erupted in war, 80% of the world’s population perished, and those that were left forever cursed the name of Hulksmash, the Hope Ender.
THE END!
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